25 signs you are / were an LEO...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Mythree, Dec 7, 2011.

  1. Mythree

    Mythree Banned Supporting Addict

    Oct 9, 2011
    When do you really know that you are a police officer?
    Is it when you realize that you find humor in other people's stupidity?
    Or is it when you know for certain that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
    Is it when you've left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten, or when you come to the knowledge that discussing human dismemberment over a meal is a perfectly normal thing to do?
    Maybe it's when you feel good when you hear someone say, "These handcuffs are too tight."

    Here are 25 ways you can be pretty reliably sure that you're really a cop.

    1.) You have the bladder capacity of five people combined.
    2.) You have restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
    3.) You believe that 70 percent of people are a waste of good air.
    4.) Your idea of a good time is a "man with a gun" call.
    5.) You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
    6.) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
    7.) You disbelieve 90 percent of what you hear and 75 percent of what you see.
    8.) You have your weekends off planned for a year.
    9.) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
    10.) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.
    11.) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide: Getting it right the first time."
    12.) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
    13.) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
    14.) You know anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow at least a .15
    15.) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
    16.) Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."
    17.) People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places...and you know where it's located.
    18.) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
    19.) You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (this happens every time, really)
    20.) You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to grab their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
    21.) You do not see daylight from November until May.
    22.) People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.
    23.) A week's worth of laundry consists of five T-shirts, five pairs of socks, and five pairs of underwear.
    24.) You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend."
    25.) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2011
  2. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    I'm far from being a cop and I can relate to at least half of those. Been around a few police officers and those handcuffs are to tight in my opinion.:rofl2: Have the utmost respect for MOST cops and appreciate the job you do. Thank-you guys for your service. Can you just get rid of the few a-holes though.:biggrin1: Have a police officer on my E-mail that I send all kinds of stuff to. Thanks for posting this.

  3. E39

    E39 Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Oct 15, 2011
    Law enforcement is a job I could never do. No patience with stupid people. Therefore I have a lot of admiration for those that do the job well.
  4. CMG

    CMG Member

    Aug 20, 2011
    A simple rule for understanding what police are for:

    Municipal governments tax residents in order to employ a Sanitation Department and a Police Department.

    The Sanitation Department cleans up scheduled messes at designated locations.

    The Police Department cleans up unscheduled messes at random locations.

    Neither is likely to prevent any messes.
  5. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    What no paitence for stupid people? Do you live in the middle of the wilderness away from society as that is the only way to stay away from them.:lol: I know what you mean though big time.
  6. DAT85

    DAT85 BIG OL' BALD HAID ! Supporting Addict

    Aug 26, 2011
  7. Blue Ridge

    Blue Ridge Well-Known Member

    Nov 3, 2011
    I would say I couldn't deal with stupid either, but I opened a retail store and should have just become a cop. I think there have been cases I could have legally whacked a "customer" with my PR24. One guy tried to steal a snake. Not just any snake, a Nicaraguan boa constrictor and the meanest snake I've ever had in my shop. He was caught by local police after pulling off the road to get it out from his shirt, where it was chewing on his nipple. I got a chance to speak to the gentleman when they returned my merchandise (he'd stolen a heat pad and cricket carrier also), and he said he should sue me for having something that could hurt him in my store. I am not embellishing this tale. It would be difficult to deal with people like that every day and still be a nice guy.
  8. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    Lotta truth to that for sure.
  9. DAT85

    DAT85 BIG OL' BALD HAID ! Supporting Addict

    Aug 26, 2011
    I think I just crapped myself! :eek:


  10. CMG

    CMG Member

    Aug 20, 2011
    Are you at Wal-Mart again?

  11. CanIhaveGasCash

    CanIhaveGasCash Member

    Sep 11, 2011
    These are all very true. Especially not seeing the sun. I work nights and it gets dark at about 4pm and I don't go to work until 5pm :animlol:
  12. LBC45

    LBC45 In Therapy, no hope

    Sep 8, 2011
    Yeah some nights when things slow down(?) i think about writing a book on the street scene, but then who would believe half of it.
  13. RogueClimber

    RogueClimber Diligentia Vis Celeritas

    Oct 7, 2011
    You discuss accident scenes by their nicknames, "Headly the Headless Motorcycle Rider" "Superman" "WHat a Funny place to put Your Brain"
  14. Eric

    Eric Cav Troopers Dad

    Sep 10, 2011
    I've even given up telling my wife some of this stuff that goes on around here...
  15. Dennis1209

    Dennis1209 New Member

    Oct 14, 2011
    Thanks DAT85, just soiled my drawers...
  16. Sir Guy

    Sir Guy Sharpening Ockham's Razor Supporting Addict

    Aug 20, 2011

    So very, very true.

  17. gajones06

    gajones06 Member

    Nov 26, 2011
    The one that I defiantly relate to is referring to Tuesday as your weekend...I work a juvenile facility and Tuesday and Wednesday are my days off.

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