A Field Guide to Gun Shows: Part Two

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by limbkiller, Nov 9, 2018.

  1. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011

    RAMBO: He's looking for an Ingram MAC-10, and he wants to have it custom chambered in .44 Magnum as a back-up gun. For primary carry he wants a Desert Eagle, provided he can get it custom chambered in .50 BMG. He derides the .50 Action Express as a wimp round designed for ladies' pocket pistols. He has already bought three years worth of freeze dried MRE's from MARK, as well as seven knives. He is dressed in camouflage BDU's and a black T-shirt with the 101st Airborne Division insignia, though he has never been in the Army. He works as a bag boy at Kroger's.

    BUBBA: He needs some money, and he has reluctantly decided to sell his Daddy's .30-30, a Marlin 336 made in 1961. He indignantly refuses all cash offers below his asking price of $475. Unable to sell it, eventually trades it plus another $175 for a new-in-box H&R Topper in .219 Zipper. He feels pretty good about the deal.

    GORDON: He is walking the aisles with a Remington Model 700 ADL in .30-06 on his shoulder. He's put an Uncle Mike's cordura sling and a Tasco 3X9 variable scope on it. A small stick protrudes from the barrel, bearing the words, "LIKE NEW ONLY THREE BOXES OF SHELLS FIRED $800." This is his third trip to a show with this particular rifle, which he has never actually used, since he lives in a shotgun-only area for deer.

    DAWN: She is here with her boyfriend, DARRYL. At the last show, DARRYL bought her a Taurus Model 66 in .357 Magnum. She fired it twice and is afraid of it, but she keeps it in a box on the top shelf of ther clothes closet in case someone breaks in.
    She is dressed in a pair of blue jeans that came out of a spray can, a "Soldier of Fortune" T-shirt two sizes too small, and 4" high heels. DARRYL is ignoring her, but nobody else is.

    DARRYL: He's been engaged to DAWN for three years. He likes shotguns for defense, and he's frustrated that he can't get a Street Sweeper, so he's bought a Mossberg 500 with the 18 1/2" barrel, a perforated handguard, and a pistol grip. He plans to use it for squirrel hunting when he isn't sleeping with it. He plans to marry DAWN as soon as he gets a job which pays him enough to take over payments on her mobil home.

    ARNOLD: He is a car salesman in Charlottesville, Virginia. He has a passion for Civil War guns, especially cap-and-ball revolvers. He has a reproduction Remington 1858, and is looking for a real one he can afford. He owns two other guns: a S&W Model 60 and a Sauer and Sohn drilling his father brought home from the war in 1945. He has no idea what caliber the rifle barrel on his drilling is, and he last fired the Model 60 five years ago.

    ****: He is a gun dealer who makes his overhead selling Jennings J-25's, Lorcin .380's, and H&R top-break revolvers. He buys the J-25's in lots of 1000 direct from the factory at $28.75 each, and sells them for $68.00 to gun show customers. He buys the H&R's for $10. at estate auctions and asks $85 for them, letting you talk him down to $78 when he is feeling generous.
    His records are meticulously kept, and he insists on proper ID and a signature on the 4473. He doesn't care whether the ID and the signature are yours, however. Other than his stock, he owns no guns and has no interest in them.

    ARLENE: She is ****'s wife. She hates guns and gun shows more than anything in the world. Her husband insists that she accompany him to keep an eye on the table when he's dickering or has to go to the men's room. She refuses to come unless she can bring her SONY portable TV, even though she gets lousy reception in the Civic Center and there isn't any cable.
    When **** is away from the table, she has no authority to negotiate, and demands full asking price for everything. She doesn't know the difference between a rifle and a shotgun, and she doesn't care, either.

    MARK: He doesn't have an FFL. He buys a table at the show to sell nylon holsters, magazines, T-shirts, bumper stickers, fake Nazi regalia, surplus web gear, MRE's and accessories. He makes more money than anyone else in the hall.

    ALAN: He's not a dealer, but he had a bunch of odds and ends to dispose of, so he bought a table. On it he displays used loading dies in 7.65 Belgian and .25-20, both in boxes from the original Herter's company. He also has a half-box of .38-55 cartridges, a Western-style gun belt he hasn't been able to wear since 1978, a used cleaning kit, and a nickel-plated Iver Johnson Premier revolver in .32 S&W.
    He's asking $125 for the gun and $40 for each of the die sets. He paid $35 for the table and figures he needs to get at least that much to cover his expenses and the value of his time.

    GERALD: He's a physician specializing in diseases of the rich. He collects Brownings, and specializes in High-Power pistols, Superposed shotguns, and Model 1900's. He has 98% of the known variations of each of these, and now plans to branch out into the 1906 and 1910 pocket pistols. He owns no handguns made after the Germans left Liege in 1944. He regards Japanese-made "Brownings" as a personal insult and is a little contemptuous of Inglis-made High Powers. He does not hunt or shoot. He buys all his gun accessories from Orvis and Dunn's.

    KEVIN: He is 13, and this is his first gun show. His eyes are bugged out with amazement, and he wonders what his J.C. Higgins single shot 20 gauge is worth. His father gives him an advance on his allowance so he can buy a used Remington Nylon 66.
    He's hooked for life and will end up on the NRA's Board of Directors."
  2. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014
    Zoid: He's been to a gun show or two in the past. Hasn't been to one in a few years but still trys to mentally schedule attendance to one every time he sees a billboard. Spends most of his time drooling on his phone viewing the Addicts website or GunBroker listings. He has met other phone droolers on FTF meetings which now have surplanted the gun show in his schedule. He is on his third replacement phone. It's really tight until he slams it on his desk, at which point it becomes loose . . . .

  3. tac45

    tac45 What me worry ? Supporting Addict

    Mar 4, 2012
    Ed , now that’s funny , a lot of truth too !
    limbkiller likes this.
  4. Karl Beining

    Karl Beining Well-Known Member Sponsor

    Oct 8, 2015
    I. . . .I Know these people. . . .You coming to my Gunshows?? ;-)
  5. Greg45acp

    Greg45acp Double Secret Banned Supporting Addict

    Oct 31, 2016
    Good partial list,

    Don't forgot the old guy with his gimp kid that dress like pirates and sell "swords" made out of the crappiest annealed pot metal that has ever been melted together.

    And don't forget the other guy that has "surplus GI" 1911 and M-14 magazines. These magazines were super secretly forward deployed in China and have rusty spring and aren't even remotely in spec.

    Then there are the 4 dollar hotdogs made out of roadkill and hog anus.....
  6. mikegalway

    mikegalway CEO of DILLIGAF industries Supporting Addict

    Feb 23, 2014
    I wish there was a mezzanine with a bar for people watching . Every once in a while I do come across a deal . But it's up to us to be educated buyers . I'm also not afraid to throw out a would ya take offer . If they're not afraid to ask a ridiculous high amount , I'm not afraid to make a low offer .
    ZoidMeister and limbkiller like this.
  7. mikegalway

    mikegalway CEO of DILLIGAF industries Supporting Addict

    Feb 23, 2014
    Let's not forget about the guy that stopped at Wal Mart or Cabella's on his way there , bought a bunch of ammo , and put his price tags on it .
  8. Gripwright

    Gripwright Well-Known Member

    Feb 8, 2016
    I rent a table at some shows, and sell grips across the table and take custom orders. At every show, I run into people who think somebody else makes my grips. At least I think that's what it is. They keep saying "Emerson Purdy han'ls". So if anybody knows Emerson Purdy.... Oh. My. Word. Just realized I'd better go copyright the name "Emerson Purdy Han'ls."
    ZoidMeister and Babboonbobo like this.
  9. Gripwright

    Gripwright Well-Known Member

    Feb 8, 2016
    Come to think of it, ol' Emerson could be one of your gun show archetypes, like Rambo. He's the lookie-loo, "Emerson Purdy _______(fill in the blank).
    ZoidMeister and Babboonbobo like this.

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