Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Bugs, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. Bugs

    Bugs Well-Known Member

    Oct 19, 2011
    A Tale of 4 Wishes

    A Mexican (an undocumented Democrat), a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.

    "I can only grant four wishes, "the Genie said. "Since there are four of you, you may have one wish apiece. "Pointing at the Black, he said, "Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish."

    The Black studied for a moment then said, "I wish for a fleet of ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa."

    Poof! It was done! Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline.

    The Mexican said, "I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all my people back to our homeland, May-he-co!"

    Poof! It was done! Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared on the beach.

    The Muslim said, "I wish for ten thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah."

    Poof! It was done! Ten thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

    Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, "And what is your wish?

    The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the sunset, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.

    The Redneck said, "Just give me a Bud Light. It doesn't get any better than this!"
  2. DAT85

    DAT85 BIG OL' BALD HAID ! Supporting Addict

    Aug 26, 2011
    No firearms related forum that I have visited in the past 5-6 years has a general discussion sub forum QUITE like this one.

    And that's why I like this place. :grin:


  3. Bugs

    Bugs Well-Known Member

    Oct 19, 2011
    "Lord, I apologize to you and all the little pygmies of New Guinea."
  4. Fire-Medic

    Fire-Medic Back At It

    Jan 10, 2012
    That my friend, was some funny ****!!!!!
  5. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    :rofl2: I love it!!!!!!
  6. Chris

    Chris YOU ****!!!! Supporting Addict

    Aug 17, 2011
    I've seen something similar to that before......

    Still :pound:
  7. nomad

    nomad Active Member

    Aug 22, 2011
    Ahh there's nothing like a cold beer!
  8. 50GI-Jess

    50GI-Jess Member

    Aug 24, 2011
    So as II world war comes to an end, 4 generals a british, an italian, a french and a german, is being flown out to a deserted island to discuss final peace agreements....

    Under their way to the island, the plane gets hit in one of the wings. The pilot figures out, that there will only be fuel enough to carry 2 people safely the rest of the way. With no parachutes on the plane, the 4 generals starting to stare of each other. Who's going to jump and safe the others.....

    After a while, the british general satnds up and says " God safe the queen"....and jumps out.

    Shortly after, the french general says "Vive la france" and jumps too.

    After some tense starring, the german general stands up and says "heil hitler" and kicks out the italien general...............
  9. dilespla

    dilespla Never made it to step 12 Supporting Addict

    Oct 12, 2011
    Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.

    What does he intended to do, bomb

    A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water, each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many
    does France have?'

    Once again, dead silence.


    A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.

    Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.’ He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

    Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'


    A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on.

    "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer
    asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

    The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

    "Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"

    The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any damn Frenchmen to show it to."
  10. 50GI-Jess

    50GI-Jess Member

    Aug 24, 2011
    Good post dilespla,

    I've heard those 3 stories before and respect them to dead.

    It makes me sad and embarrassed to be from Europe sometimes. Especially with the double standards many europeans have toward this great country. I don't think the realize what consequences they would have suffered in history without America being there for them.
  11. dilespla

    dilespla Never made it to step 12 Supporting Addict

    Oct 12, 2011
    Ain't that the truth! At the same time though, sometimes I'm embarrassed to be an American. This country isn't what it used to be, or what we used to stand for.
  12. Earlsbud

    Earlsbud Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 28, 2011
    Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

    At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

    Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

    A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet . . . "Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil *******!"
  13. Blayglock

    Blayglock Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    I lol'd pretty hard at that one
  14. Earlsbud

    Earlsbud Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 28, 2011
    An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and

    explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and

    occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture,

    chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

    After a while, he finds himself in a very high class

    neighborhood.....big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no

    restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

    He really, really has to go, after all those Guinness.

    He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the

    adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

    As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby,

    who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

    "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really

    HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."

    "Ah, yes," said the bobby..."Just follow me".

    He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate,

    which he opens.

    "In there," points the bobby. "Whiz away sir, anywhere you want."

    The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he

    has ever seen: Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculpted

    hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

    Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly


    As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby, That was

    really decent of you... is that what you call 'English Hospitality'?"

    "No, sir" replies the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."

    DRYHUMOR Well-Known Member

    Sep 20, 2011
    Beaudreax was out in the garden trimming rose bushes.

    Up drives Thibodeaux, back of his truck loaded down with Snapper lawnmowers.

    "Where you go Thib?" "Goin' get me some snapper"

    They talk a bit and Thib drives off. A while later he swings back by and the whole back of the truck is full of fresh snapper. "How he do dat?" wonders Beaudreax...

    Few days later, Thib comes by with the bed full of Nutra-Sweet. Curious, Beaudreax asks what Thibodeaux is up to... "Goin' get me some nutria".

    Again Thib drives off, to return later on with the whole truck bed full of nutria. "Man, how he do dat" wonders Beaudreax...

    About a week later, Beaudreax was sitting on the porch, drinking coffee and reading the paper. Up drives Thibodeaux with a bunch of brush and limbs in the back of the truck. "Thib, was all dat?" "pusywillow", replies Thib

    "I'll get my hat"
  16. Earlsbud

    Earlsbud Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 28, 2011

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