Blonde Men Jokes

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by limbkiller, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
    The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

    Two blonde men find three grenades and they decide to take them to a police station.
    One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
    The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

    A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
    He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do ... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

    A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
    "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
    The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
    The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

    A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
    It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
    He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

    A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
    "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
    "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

    A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
    A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
    The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

    A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
    His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
    He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
    "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
    "Here boy!" he replies.

    A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
    "Just what are you doing?" he asks.
    "Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
    "It should be around your neck," says the guard.
    "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
    WartHog, nikerret, gps man and 20 others like this.
  2. isialk

    isialk Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Jan 7, 2017
    Some good ones in that batch! Thanks limbkiller.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    limbkiller likes this.

  3. Leadslinger585

    Leadslinger585 Active Member

    Aug 6, 2017
    Blonde man reading blonde jokes

    "A friend told the blonde man: 'Christmas is on a Friday this year.'
    The blonde man then said, 'Let's hope it's not the 13th.'"

    Whhaaat? I don't.... OHhhhhhhhh :p
    FrankG likes this.
  4. WartHog

    WartHog Well-Known Member

    Jan 29, 2014

    Why did the blonde woman have a bruised bellybutton ???

    Her blonde boyfriend is dumb too.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Ethanol Red and limbkiller like this.
  5. mikemac

    mikemac Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Apr 22, 2017
    Thanks LK! I needed that. Great
    limbkiller likes this.

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