Church Ladies With Computers....

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Mike Meints, Jan 29, 2019.

  1. Mike Meints

    Mike Meints Well-Known Member

    Mar 2, 2017
    These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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    The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
    The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
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    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you .
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    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
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    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility..
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    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours ."
     
    kelton, ronin11, 1911 dawg and 14 others like this.
  2. boatdoc

    boatdoc Well-Known Member

    Aug 3, 2015

  3. Busa Dave

    Busa Dave Well-Known Member

    Mar 3, 2018
    That is funny! I don't care who you are!
     
  4. Renegade4006

    Renegade4006 Well-Known Member

    241
    Feb 18, 2018
    My eyes are watering and I'm still laughing. Great post!!!!
     

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