Dog Food

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by limbkiller, Mar 3, 2019.

  1. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    I was at my local Kmart store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I was bored and had little else to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 22 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet. The way that it works is, you load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
    philosandean, ozy, Jimhoag and 22 others like this.
  2. Lamont56

    Lamont56 Member

    Aug 17, 2018
    The moronic level of people sometimes amazes me.
    I was @ an outlet one day with my wife.
    We brought our black German Shepherd (85 lbs) along with our black n white miniature Pekinese all but 8 lbs. As I'm waiting for the wife outside a store, a woman comes up to me and asks if my dogs are related....I told her "yes, the little Pekinese is the mother!" She then commented that they were so well ask a stupid question.....

  3. Kip

    Kip Sir Kip Esquire

    Apr 12, 2016
    I've used this joke around some people,reactions were... uhhhh....mixed:D
  4. monadh

    monadh Sapientiae Timor Domini Initium

    May 8, 2012
    When my family and I were relocating from GA to NH in 1999, my Great Pyrenees and I were taking a U-Haul full of motorcycle and guns to the new location. He had been shaved down to the skin, and I don't know if you've seen a shaved Pyr, but they look like mutants. We stopped at a rest stop in PA and got out to stretch our legs, the mutant and I. This nice lady came walking up and said, "What an unusual dog! I've never seen one like that before. What kind is he?"

    It's not necessarily the response I gave her that makes me evil, it's that the response was not even thought of beforehand and just popped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

    "He's an Artesian Wellhound!"

    "An 'Artesian Wellhound'? I've never heard of that breed before!"

    "Yeah, they use them out west. They were bred to sniff out underground water. They bring them in before they start digging a well. Save them lots of time!"

    I laughed about that the rest of the way up to NH.
    FWoo45, ZoidMeister, gps man and 7 others like this.
  5. Kip

    Kip Sir Kip Esquire

    Apr 12, 2016
    Never pass up an opportunity like that!!
    You know damn well that numbskull was babbling about it after.
    And a fellow nitwit "saw something on TV" to validate the claim!!
    I LOVE stupid people!!! :grin:
  6. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014

    Man, that brings up memories. When my daughter was in middle school we got a new mutt. One of her friends asked what breed it was, to which I replied, "A Bulgarian Smoochhound" . . . . . .

    They spent about 30 minutes Googling that to try to get more information. No wonder my daughter despises me.

    Our next dog was a "Yugoslavian Flea-scratcher", but she was on to me by then . . . . .
    FWoo45, xerts1191 and limbkiller like this.

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