Engineers...

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by limbkiller, Oct 13, 2020 at 6:25 AM.

  1. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    Who Says Engineers Don’t Have A Sense Of Humor?

    1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


    2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
    The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
    He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
    The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
    The group fell silent for a moment.
    The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
    The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

    4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
    Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

    5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
    The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

    6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
    The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

    7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

    8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


    9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

    10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
    "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
     
    dasroofr, nmbuzz, Fred_G and 27 others like this.
  2. Uncle Bob

    Uncle Bob Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Sep 22, 2017

  3. Mike0251

    Mike0251 Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    885
    Mar 25, 2016
  4. Mike0251

    Mike0251 Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    885
    Mar 25, 2016
  5. Havoc35

    Havoc35 Well-Known Member

    137
    Apr 14, 2020
    These are great. I use the "glass is twice as large as it needs to be" line all the time.
     
    limbkiller and isialk like this.
  6. Glock2740

    Glock2740 1911 addict Staff Member Moderator

    Aug 16, 2011
    Those are classic Ed! :grin: :roflmaro:
     
    isialk and limbkiller like this.
  7. Mikey00130

    Mikey00130 Well-Known Member

    695
    Aug 4, 2018
    This made me smile!!!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    isialk, Glock2740 and limbkiller like this.
  8. nathanotis

    nathanotis Active Member

    119
    Feb 6, 2020
    I'm going to hafta do some googling to understand #7, but I think it's funny.
     
    OneEyedTanker, limbkiller and isialk like this.
  9. isialk

    isialk Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Jan 7, 2017


    Can’t tell you how many times we laughed at this in my career. I was a reactor internals program engineer and sat through many vendor presentations that sounded just like that. Pre-fabricated Amulite....perfect!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    gps man, limbkiller and Mike0251 like this.
  10. xerts1191

    xerts1191 Well-Known Member

    Aug 12, 2017
  11. rockittsled

    rockittsled Well-Known Member

    480
    Apr 8, 2020
    [​IMG]
     
    Glock2740 and Mikey00130 like this.
  12. scottl

    scottl Well-Known Member

    790
    Jun 19, 2012
    Used to be a paint tech at an automotive plastics factory. I had one of these I would wear when we would work with either the QC Engineers or Manufacturing Engineers. The didn't like my humor.
     

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