A man had a terrible golf problem, so he went for a lesson. After demonstrating his swing to the golf pro, he asked "Well, what should I do?". "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and she could hardly wait for her lesson. The next day the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and said, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asked the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing, and THUMP!-- the ball skipped down the fairway barely 15 feet!! "You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth, and hold it in your hands!"