HOW A MAN THINKS

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Mike Meints, Apr 25, 2019.

  1. Mike Meints

    Mike Meints Well-Known Member

    Mar 2, 2017
    MAN RULES

    AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN
    FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)

    WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE
    NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

    THESE ARE OUR RULES!

    PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

    1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

    1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

    1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

    1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

    SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
    STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
    OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
    JUST SAY IT!

    1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

    1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

    1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

    1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

    1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

    1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
    IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

    1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

    1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

    1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
    PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

    1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

    1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

    1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

    1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

    1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

    1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

    1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

    1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...
     
    bigbob76, 45ACP_ray, 2sharp2 and 29 others like this.
  2. razorbacker

    razorbacker Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Dec 2, 2011
    Amen brother, truer words never spoken! If anyone forwards this to your wife I would not count them as your friend.:)
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2019

  3. LYKUNO

    LYKUNO Well-Known Member

    Feb 16, 2018
    I especially like item #1!
     
    Lou1, Glock2740, Ethanol Red and 5 others like this.
  4. JM44

    JM44 Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Feb 2, 2018
    Also #1: “I don’t care” is not a valid suggestion for restaurant selection and therefore such answer will default to our choice of eatery.

    Great list, thanks for sharing!
     
    Babboonbobo and mikemac like this.
  5. JM44

    JM44 Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Feb 2, 2018
    1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.


    Had a good laugh at this one!
     
    TexasPatriot59 and 1911fanatic like this.
  6. 1911fanatic

    1911fanatic Well-Known Member

    Nov 27, 2011
    I keep tellin my wife that she has gravity on her side concerning the toilet seat!!!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    mikemac, razorbacker and Mike Meints like this.
  7. WartHog

    WartHog Well-Known Member

    621
    Jan 29, 2014
    I’d like to add to number #1...

    #1 Don’t ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to hear about football, motor sports, or the lady’s arse we saw at the gun store.
     
  8. razorbacker

    razorbacker Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Dec 2, 2011
    I sprung for a "no slammer" toilet seats a few years ago, that's the cat's meow, makes everyone happy. One of those miraculous devices that you say "why didn't I think of that?"
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2019
    mikemac likes this.
  9. razorbacker

    razorbacker Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Dec 2, 2011
    How about this one:
    #1 Do not ask me "Is my cooking is better than your mom's?" I will lie and say yes but you already know it's not or you wouldn't be asking.
     
  10. mikemac

    mikemac Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Apr 22, 2017
    It is the truth and nothing but the truth, I swear. Thanks Mike! I needed that.
     
    Mike Meints likes this.
  11. WartHog

    WartHog Well-Known Member

    621
    Jan 29, 2014
    I haven’t had that experience. Wife # 1’s mother went to the Great Beyond before I met her and current wife’s mother doesn’t cook.

    Wife #1 learned from my mother and did alright. Current one learned from me


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    razorbacker likes this.
  12. Glock2740

    Glock2740 1911 addict Staff Member Moderator

    Aug 16, 2011
    LMAO! :roflmaro: :roflmaro: :roflmaro:

    That’s GREAT!
     
  13. Otherside

    Otherside Well-Known Member

    574
    Jan 26, 2019
  14. 605atthe wheels

    605atthe wheels In the staging lanes Supporting Addict

    Oct 19, 2012
    Oh, I'm going to Print that list out & hang it on the fridge. Some beauties on there.

    George
     

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