Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by limbkiller, Feb 26, 2019.

  1. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.

    The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

    "Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I go in and get my sandwich," she said.

    I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

    I love mustard.

    I had no napkin.

    I licked it off.

    It was not mustard.

    No man ever put a baby down faster.

    It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue sticking out.

    With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.

    Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife Said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard....

    xerts1191, jfrey, tokuboi69 and 15 others like this.
  2. Capthobo

    Capthobo NRA Endowment member Supporting Addict

    Nov 9, 2016
    Takes a real dad to be able to cut that mustard!

  3. radshooter

    radshooter Active Member

    Dec 26, 2011
    Wouldn't that be a mus-turd?
    tokuboi69 and limbkiller like this.
  4. isialk

    isialk Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Jan 7, 2017
    Yeah Daddy!!!!

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    limbkiller likes this.

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