Ole and Lena

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by limbkiller, Jul 14, 2020.

  1. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing
    Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said,
    "Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth.


    OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS_____________


    When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the
    outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained,
    "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents."

    THAT'S HER!_________


    A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape
    case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted,
    "Yep, dat's her!"

    SWIM COMPETITION _____________


    A Swedish woman competed with a French woman
    and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel
    swim competition. The Frenchwoman came in first, the Englishwoman second.
    The Swede reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with
    blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink
    dose other two girls used der arms."


    VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE _______


    Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing
    in Canada and returned with only one fish. "The way I figger it, dat fish
    cost us $400" said the first Norwegian. "Vell," said the other one, "At dat
    price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more."

    BAR RIDDLE ___________


    A Swede took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in
    a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to him in a friendly manner.
    "Look," he said, "let's have a game if you answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink,
    if you can't, then you buy ME one, Okay?" "Ya, dat sounds purty good," said
    the Swede. The Indian said, "My father and my mother had one child. It
    wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?" The Swede scratched
    his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?" "It was ME," chortled
    the Indian. So the Swede paid for the drinks. Back in Sioux Falls the Swede
    went into a bar and spotted one of his cronies, "Sven," he said, "I got a
    game. If you can answer a qvestion, I buy you a drink. If you can't, YOU
    have to buy ME vun. Fair enough?" "Fair enough," said Sven. Okay . . my
    fadder and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder, It vasn't my sister,
    Who vas it?" "Search me, " said Sven. "I give up. Who vas it?" "It vas some
    Indian up in Fargo, Nort Dakoda."

    FINGERNAILS ___________


    One day Lena confided to her friend Hilda that she
    had finally cured her nervous husband, Ole, of his habit of biting his
    nails. "Good gracious," said Hilda, "How did yew ever dew that?" "It vas
    really simple," was Lena's reply. "I yust hid his false teeth."

    THE RELATIONS _____________


    Ole and Lena ! were getting on in years. Ole
    was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their
    rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever
    happened tew our sex relations?" He asked. "Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,"
    replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas."



    THE PRANK CALL ____________


    The phone rings in the middle of the night when
    Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. "Vell how da hell should I know,
    dats two tousand miles from here" he says and hangs up. "Who vas dat?" asks
    Lena. "I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.
    ------------------------------------------------
    Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the
    little town of Minnetonka, Minnesota. The policeman, who was a good friend
    of Ole's said,"Ole...What in the world are you doing? Where are your
    clothes? You're naked." "Yah, I know," said Ole. "You see, I vas over to
    dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about 28 of us. Der
    vas boys and girls." "Is that right?", his policeman friend asked. "Yah,
    Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!'So vee all
    go into the bedroom.... where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' "Vel,
    vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!".I guess I'm
    the first one here.
     
    xerts1191, isialk, gps man and 13 others like this.
  2. Uncle Bob

    Uncle Bob Well-Known Member

    Sep 22, 2017
    Had a Norwegian girlfriend in the middle east.. funny story.
     
    isialk, rmac and limbkiller like this.

  3. isialk

    isialk Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Jan 7, 2017
    An Indian from Fargo!!!!! Tremendous!


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    limbkiller likes this.

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