Ramblings of a Retired Mind

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Mike Meints, May 7, 2019.

  1. Mike Meints

    Mike Meints Well-Known Member

    Mar 2, 2017
    I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

    I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

    You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

    I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

    I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

    I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

    I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

    When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

    Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

    I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.

    As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

    Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life, Because Life is a journey to be savored.

    Gentle Thoughts for Today -
    Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then poop on your car.

    A penny saved is a government oversight.

    The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body
    and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

    He who hesitates is probably right.

    Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

    If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

    The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..

    Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

    Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

    Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

    When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

    You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

    One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

    Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!
    Glock2740, Lou1, nmbuzz and 26 others like this.
  2. BillKilgore

    BillKilgore Well-Known Member

    Jan 23, 2015
    That was funny, Mike. Thanks for posting.

  3. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014
    My favorite saying the past couple of years.

    "I'm too old to be THIS OLD!"
    xerts1191, rmac and Mike Meints like this.
  4. Bender

    Bender Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 15, 2011
    Very nice, thanks Mike
  5. Ethanol Red

    Ethanol Red Make it a double Supporting Addict

    Jul 12, 2015
    May my mind never catch up to my age. Cheers!

    And I'm not old, but I hope to be someday. I'm gonna go for my Dad's timeline. He reminds me of a mature 45 year old in his 70's. That's my goal.:)
    Antechinus and xerts1191 like this.
  6. razorbacker

    razorbacker Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Dec 2, 2011
    Mike, some great thoughts there. Amazing how much smarter you are nearing the end than you were at the beginning. I'm old but have a couple teen daughters they have no clue.
    xerts1191 likes this.
  7. tac45

    tac45 What me worry ? Supporting Addict

    Mar 4, 2012
    All true ,thanks Mike
    Mike Meints likes this.
  8. B81

    B81 Well-Known Member

    Aug 12, 2018
    At least those ramblings are still coherent. Dementia runs in my family. By the age of 80, I'll probably be a drooling mess, think that everyone I meet might be one of my children, and be unable to hold a conversation that lasts more than 15 minutes without forgetting everything and having to start over.

    When I turn 78, I may just take up skydiving and heroin. Might as well go out in style.
  9. john_anch_ak

    john_anch_ak Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Mar 7, 2017
  10. isialk

    isialk Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Jan 7, 2017
    AMEN and AMEN Mike!

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  11. bvbarry50

    bvbarry50 Sarg.

    Oct 11, 2018
  12. acesover

    acesover Well-Known Member

    Dec 26, 2018
    Retired Men are Deep Thinkers
    I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

    The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
    My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."

    The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
    At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
    Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
    Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
    Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
    Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion :
    A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
    But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
    I rest my case.
    Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
  13. Razer

    Razer On The Razers Edge Staff Member Admin Moderator Supporting Addict

    Jul 1, 2012
    "Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life, Because Life is a journey to be savored."

    Enough said...
    xerts1191, livinthelife, rmac and 3 others like this.
  14. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014

    Much troof in this . . . . enlightened you are.
    Mike Meints likes this.
  15. july19

    july19 Womb? Weary? He rests. He has travelled. Supporting Addict

    Sep 16, 2013
    Good lines:)
    ZoidMeister likes this.
  16. Bender

    Bender Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 15, 2011
    Life is a rabbit hole.
    One can easily sit outside, be timid and wait for tidbits to blow out.
    One can throw caution to the wind, step inside and see what the hole has in store.
    ZoidMeister and Mike Meints like this.
  17. Fatbob Frank

    Fatbob Frank Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Feb 5, 2014
    I'm saddened by how much I can relate to these musings...
    razorbacker and Mike Meints like this.
  18. Bender

    Bender Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 15, 2011
  19. Bender

    Bender Supporting Addict Supporting Addict

    Aug 15, 2011
    Days are long, years are short.
  20. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014
    It doesn't take "all kinds," we've just GOT all kinds . . . . . Zoid

    Never take responsibility for anything you are not in complete control of. Zoid

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