Red Neck Indicators

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Mike Meints, Dec 14, 2018.

  1. Mike Meints

    Mike Meints Well-Known Member

    Mar 2, 2017
    Yes, the new one is out! The brand new edition of You know you're a redneck when..

    1 You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

    2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

    3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

    4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

    5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

    6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

    7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it

    8 You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

    9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

    10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

    11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat

    12... Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

    13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

    14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

    15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.


    16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

    17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

    18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

    19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

    20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

    21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it

    22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

    23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

    24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

    25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

    26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

    27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements

    28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

    29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

    30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
     
    xerts1191, AZPhil, rmac and 8 others like this.
  2. WartHog

    WartHog Well-Known Member

    588
    Jan 29, 2014
    I don’t want to tell you how many of those pertained to me, either today or during during my childhood.

    Number tree really hits home. Dad bought a big wooden boat for him and my mom to restore. Never touched the water, although they did paint the hull. Me and my little brother used it for a fort. Someone bought it for the trailer. The boat had taken the spot where a non running Plymouth Valiant was sitting. An early 60s Mercedes took its place...

    31. If you think tree is a number.
    32. If you axe people questions.
    Turdy-tree. If your 12 year old has to slap her kid for cussing during dinner.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2018
    Bro. Pappaw and joerockhead like this.

  3. WartHog

    WartHog Well-Known Member

    588
    Jan 29, 2014
    Delete.


    Good old fashion screw up.
     

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