FIVE SIMPLE TRUTHS: 1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the a-hole's name. 3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. Bonus Truth: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.