Understand engineers

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Mike Meints, Dec 2, 2018.

  1. Mike Meints

    Mike Meints Well-Known Member

    Mar 2, 2017
    Understanding Engineers #1

    Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
    one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
    minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
    threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
    you want."

    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The
    clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

    Understanding Engineers #2

    To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers #3

    A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
    particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
    those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor
    chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

    The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with
    him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of
    us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

    The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
    They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
    we always let them play for free anytime!."

    The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad.
    I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor
    said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague
    and see if there's anything she can do for them."
    The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers #4

    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

    Mechanical engineers build weapons.

    Civil engineers build targets.

    Understanding Engineers #5

    The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
    The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

    Understanding Engineers #6

    Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don' t fix it.
    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

    Understanding Engineers #7

    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
    and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
    bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into
    a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

    The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
    returned it to the pocket.

    The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
    princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

    Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
    into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
    beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
    anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

    The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
    girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
    Babboonbobo, BigJimP, Lou1 and 18 others like this.
  2. Raylan Givens

    Raylan Givens Never Forget

    Aug 18, 2015

  3. SparkyAZ

    SparkyAZ It is a dry heat, right...

    Sep 11, 2012
    Frickin' hilarious.
  4. C_Hallbert

    C_Hallbert Well-Known Member

    Oct 11, 2017
    My youngest Brother is a Theoretical Physicist and Microwave Engineer, so these crude attempts at humor are (for me) far too realistic. You cannot imagine the frustration, mental anguish and hopeless desperation faced by those whom are trapped by circumstance in a familial relationship with one of these people!!!!!

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Steve Owens and gps man like this.
  5. pistolpete

    pistolpete Well-Known Member

    Mar 12, 2016
  6. Ethanol Red

    Ethanol Red Make it a double Supporting Addict

    Jul 12, 2015
    A joke told to me by a mechanical engineering student years ago.

    Three things every civil engineer needs to know:
    1 water flows downhill
    2 you can’t push a rope
    3 a mechanical engineer

    (drumroll sound)

    C_Hallbert and Babboonbobo like this.
  7. wrmiller

    wrmiller The Tinker

    Oct 29, 2016
    I used to resemble some of those remarks, but then I retired. :D
    Mike Meints likes this.

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