You might be a redneck...

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by limbkiller, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. limbkiller

    limbkiller Pulling my hair. Supporting Addict

    Aug 18, 2011
    1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

    2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

    3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

    4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

    5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

    6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

    7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

    8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

    9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.

    10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

    11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

    12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

    13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

    14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

    15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

    16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

    17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

    18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

    19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

    20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

    21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

    22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

    23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on
    the side.

    24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

    25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

    26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

    27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000.00 worth of
    improvements.

    28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

    29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

    30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

    And last, but not least...

    31. Someone tells you that you've got something in your teeth, so you take
    them out to see what it is!
     
    miketx, OldCuz, FWoo45 and 33 others like this.
  2. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014
    . . . . if you know this guy isn't a real redneck because his teeth are too straight.

    redneck woid - jamaican.jpg
     
    OldCuz, Kip, Glock2740 and 8 others like this.

  3. *Double Diamond Colt*

    *Double Diamond Colt* Well-Known Member

    293
    Jan 15, 2020
    32. If you have siphoned gas out of your lawn mower in order to fill your truck with enough fuel to get to the P. O. Box to get your tax refund to pay your taxidermy bill .

    33. If you have more than 3 fishing stringers laying in the kitchen sink at one time .

    34. If your kids have on more than one occasion substituted Power Bait for Play Dough .
    35. If you have cut your wife clothes line down and used it to hang a deer in your back yard .
    36 . If you have more than 3 different Size fish hooks stuck in either your hat or dashboard of your truck.
    37. If you have washed your hands in the Safety Clean tank before lunch .
    38. If you used old motor oil to kill weeds around the house
    39 . If you spend more money keeping your deer feeder full than on lunch
    40. If you have a # of fishing rods that exceeds the total # of lug nuts on your truck .
    41. If none of the tires on your truck are the same brand or size
    42. If your passenger side wiper blade is so wore down it has made an 1/8 in deep cresent in the windshield .
    43. If your mailbox is made out of a discarded piece of PVC Pipe

    Ive done my part keep it rockin
     
    miketx, Kip, Uncle Bob and 9 others like this.
  4. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014
    Seems we have a number of SME's. . . .
     
  5. Lou1

    Lou1 Well-Known Member Supporting Addict

    Sep 1, 2018
    I can’t decide whether to laugh or be offended. :D
     
    Dub, Glock2740, xerts1191 and 3 others like this.
  6. dasroofr

    dasroofr Well-Known Member

    584
    Jul 13, 2019
    I am good for #1, and #15!!!!!
     
  7. Capthobo

    Capthobo NRA Endowment member Supporting Addict

    Nov 9, 2016
    You cut the barbs off of fishing lures that don’t work and gift them as earrings for your wife, or girlfriend.
     
    Dub, xerts1191, 1911fanatic and 7 others like this.
  8. nathanotis

    nathanotis Active Member

    98
    Feb 6, 2020
    Get a jump on the week... Do both! ;)
     
    Kip, Lou1, ZoidMeister and 1 other person like this.
  9. SVG

    SVG Well-Known Member

    532
    Mar 9, 2019
    Damn that was funny LK.
     
    ZoidMeister and limbkiller like this.
  10. fatbaldguy

    fatbaldguy Cranky old curmudgeon

    Jul 28, 2017
  11. *Double Diamond Colt*

    *Double Diamond Colt* Well-Known Member

    293
    Jan 15, 2020
    44. If you are an accomplice in the Kidnapping of said Hunting Dog in # 14

    Hey there was extenuating circumstances it was the day before Pheasant and Rabbit season opened LOL
     
  12. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014

    Another "redneck imposter" . . . . .

    Don'tcha know that cousins are legal in some counties. It's your SISTER where most draw the line (redneck / not a redneck).
     
  13. fatbaldguy

    fatbaldguy Cranky old curmudgeon

    Jul 28, 2017
    Whatever.....Uncle Daddy!
     
    Kip, Glock2740, xerts1191 and 2 others like this.
  14. ZoidMeister

    ZoidMeister Consider my signature line before replying . . . .

    Dec 4, 2014
    Das right cuz-bro . . . . .

    redneck woid - rectum.jpg
     
  15. Dallas Knight

    Dallas Knight Max Otto von Stierlitz

    Jun 22, 2015
    Keepin’ my mouth shut!
     
    ZoidMeister likes this.
  16. *Double Diamond Colt*

    *Double Diamond Colt* Well-Known Member

    293
    Jan 15, 2020
    Rectum hell killed um
    In a world where many groups of people find a reason to be ButtHurt over every little thing that is said
    We are lucky RedNecks are good sports and not easily offended LOLOL
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2020
    Glock2740 and ZoidMeister like this.
  17. Wildcat Creeker

    Wildcat Creeker Well-Known Member

    699
    Jan 26, 2012
    I can tell you from experience that number 17 is not a good idea the the winter when it's way below freezing. It will draw moisture and freeze solid. Then you have to stand out in the cold in the school parking lot with a pair of channel locks trying to pick it out little by little because the tank is nearly empty and you need gas in it to get home. '57 Chevy Wagon with a six-banger, 2 speed slush box, and a lot of rust holes. I may have done some more of these, will not admit to it.
     
  18. *Double Diamond Colt*

    *Double Diamond Colt* Well-Known Member

    293
    Jan 15, 2020
    Just laugh let the rest of the world be offended
    Anybody know if rednecks are a sub species of Hillbillys LOL
     
    ZoidMeister and Lou1 like this.
  19. Dave W.

    Dave W. Active Member

    90
    Dec 22, 2019
    Are you saying that most people do not do these things?
     
    livinthelife, ZoidMeister and Lou1 like this.
  20. Glock2740

    Glock2740 1911 addict Staff Member Moderator

    Aug 16, 2011
    That’s some funny :poop: Ed! :grin:
    :roflmaro: :roflmaro: :roflmaro:
     
    ZoidMeister likes this.

You need 3 posts to add links to your posts! This is used to prevent spam.

Verification:
Draft saved Draft deleted